An opening salvo from Fake A-rod

Welcome to my blog. Cynthia tells me that I need to work on polishing my image and relating to all of you, the fans (BTW, why are you called "fans"? I have a ceiling fan in my 25,000 square foot Manhattan quad-plex but it doesn't show up at baseball games). Some of you may be upset that I opted out of my record-breaking quarter-billion dollar contract with the Yankees thinking I could get more money but you have to keep in mind that Scotty Boras (who could never pass for a professional athlete and knows surprisingly little about sports) promised me that he would show me the money. I once knew a football player who used this agent, Jerry Maguire was his name, who got a big contract. I tried to use Google to find this super-agent but just kept finding references to some Renee Zellewegger (sp?) chick-flick so gave up and went with fast-talking Scotty B. He's a persuasive little rascal but I've come to realize that he can't be trusted, probably not a surprise to all you ceiling fans out there in the blogosphere.

So what to do now? Go crawling back to the Yankees ? or try to build up my Hall of Fame resume with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who come highly recommended by my off-season workout partner Jose Canseco? If only the Yankees would see the folly of trying to pay me less than $300 million we could get a deal done fairly quickly. Yes, I understand that it is a lot of money but it is a lot less than the Google guys have and can either of them hit a 99mph slider? Okay, if it's October I can't hit it either but since the Mr. October moniker is already taken I'm trying to go for Mr. April. The spring is a nice time of year though sometimes it's still quite cold in New York City. Maybe if the Yankees could do something about that as well it would be nice [scrawls note to self, tell Scotty B to include a heater for my locker in my next contract, A-Rod doesn't like to get chilly].

Okay, that's enough musings for now. Thanks for reading and I'll keep you in the loop as my contract talks progress. Man, it would suck to have to play in the NL...