Wow, I can't believe it myself! I have to play for the Yankees for another 10 years (ugh!). Boston would have been nice, or even LA, but both of them were too cheap to ante up for the big Rod-meister. Scotty B promised me a 25 year deal worth $1 billion dollars so this falls way short, I think I'll have to take the difference out of his cut of every client contract he does from here on out (which may not be very many the way he bungled this situation!)
Can I break the home run record? Probably, now that Bonds has been indicted on perjury charges. If Mr. Big Head stayed clean (or should I just call him Mr. Clear and Mr. Cream - wait a second, that's pretty close to Mr. Clean!) then it would be tough to beat but if he is convicted and gets the max sentence of 30 years he'll be 73 when he gets out and I doubt he'll be swinging much of anything other than a bottle of Jack Daniels every chance he gets. I'll still be a spry 62 and probably on my third 10 year, $500 million deal by then. So Rod-meister will stay in Manhattan and torment the Yankees fans for another decade. Little know side note about my contract is that I accepted less money from the Yankees, not to stay as has been publicly reported, but because Rod-meister gets paid $5 million/year from the Red Sox annually for the next ten years for his classic October implosions. That's gold Jerry, gold! (and not the 'Bee Movie' juniors kind either). Scotty B might not be getting much love from the press, but show me another agent that can get a team I don't even play for to kick in some sweet dough. Who's the Boss now, biatch?!
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